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View Profile evermead
I'm the dude who writes Crypt Shyfter. 11th level halfling bard. 🍕 + 🍷 every Thursday night. Follow along, and take an extra d6 for inspiration

Evermead the Bard @evermead

27, Male

Bard

Philadelphia, PA

11/16/15

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evermead's News

Posted by evermead - 5 hours ago


Here’s how the internet works, in case you’ve been asleep for the last decade: the best things get seen. The funniest gifs, the most inspirational quotes, the best artwork, the most hilarious jokes, the most beautiful people, the most horrifying disasters, the most successful businessmen, the guy who retired at 25 with $50 million he made by inventing the next Snapchat, etc etc etc. The internet is a place of extremes.

When you’re constantly being shown the best of the best of the best, you naturally start to feel like what you’re doing is shit. How can you possibly expect anyone to watch your live stream painting when they can just go watch Bob Ross videos instead? Why would anyone spend 5 minutes watching your cartoon instead of spending 5 minutes of their life watching that new multi-award winning short film made by the random dude in Norway that looks like an entire team of Pixar artists spent years working on it?

The answer is, you need to stop worrying about all that crap. You need to put yourself in their shoes for a minute. Put that beautiful brain of yours to good use. Think very hard for a second: this amazing thing that you just watched, that completely blew you away with how totally amazing it was… did it just spring into existence?

One second there was nothing, and the next second some random dude is “famous” online for making something spontaneously?

No. Of course that’s not how it works, but your brain skips over the important, unstated details. There’s no such thing as an overnight success. You might never have heard of animator X before today, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t exist.

And the chances are, this thing that made him “famous” isn’t the only thing he’s ever done. With social media, we fall into this trap of comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.

We think everyone else is so much more talented than us but what we don’t realize is that maybe we just started doing our art a few months ago- possibly even a few years ago- and yet we’re comparing our work to the work of people who have been doing this for 20-30 years or more and beating ourselves up for not being able to compete- that’s silly!

It’d be like a little kid comparing his stick figure crayon drawings of his family to a Frank Frazetta masterpiece and then being mad that he sucks as an artist, even though it’s the first piece of art he ever made!

Even with those dudes who “strike it big” at a young age, you can bet they started tinkering and playing around with things when they were like 13. If you start playing with computers and taking apart apps and learning how to code at 13 and then strike it big at 25 by inventing a new social media app, that isn’t luck. A little is, sure, but really it’s someone who spent 12 years of their life working towards something.

You can probably imagine how many apps, games, websites, or software programs that dude made in 12 years that didn’t instantly take off. You can imagine him pouring hours and hours into his learning, staying up late drinking Mountain Dew and eating Cheetos while he tries to figure out why the hell that ONE DAMN LINE OF CODE keeps spitting out an error.

And suddenly he fixes the error and a new one springs up! And so he spends the next week and a half trying to figure THAT out, only to realize he’s left out a major component that would enhance the user experience, and in order to incorporate THAT code he needs to re-write the whole thing from scratch.

And so he does.

And then 12 years after he’s started doing all this stuff you read an article on Yahoo news about the youngest billionaire ever who created this app that everyone in the world uses and you get defensive and call him lucky and even think “Yeah, I coulda done that if I’d thought of it. It’s not THAT great of an idea…”

And then the next instant success appears two days later with a beloved short film. And then the next day we learn about the inspiring story of a guy who created a masterpiece of graffiti art in the projects on south side even though he had an abusive father and a drug-addicted mother. And on and on and on.

But you can bet none of those people simply appeared out of nowhere. They put in the hard work. At some point along their journey, someone noticed them. And in just a few short days, it’s likely that everyone who “discovered” them will promptly forget they ever existed as they move on with their lives and discover the next overnight sensation.

“Succeeding” at art takes time, just like anything else. You didn’t give up on trying to ride a bike after falling off the first few times, did you? Figure out what your own personal definition of success is, and write it down. Maybe the problem is you don’t know how to quantify what you want even to yourself?

Is success having 1 million followers? Is it making $65k a year doing commissions? Is it running Pixar? Getting featured on “the news”? Or is it simply finding joy in the process of creating something, having the satisfaction of finishing a challenging project, and sharing it with the world?

I have no fucking clue, man, I’m just as lost as you are. I just write this shit because it’s on my mind. Maybe you can give me some direction. Let me know what your definition of success is- I’m interested in hearing how other people feel about the social media landscape of instant success stories and how we’re forever comparing ourselves to everyone else.

I’m heading out for a hike. I’ll continue to do some deep thinking on creating for the internet while I wander through trees and other hippy shit like that.


Posted by evermead - 2 days ago


Holy mackrelandy! That "unleash your talent" post blew the fuck up lmao. Glad to see it resonated with so many of you guys! I have a crapload of thoughts on being creative so I'll probably have more spirited posts like that in the future.

But for now I'm just going to make a regular blog post about me, way less shareable than that last one. I'm going on a grand adventure!

My wife and I are going on a two week trip to Alaska tomorrow, and I just finished packing. I somehow managed to cram everything into my backpack, so I won't need to check any bags. Nice.

I've never been on a big trip like this before. My family always went to the beach growing up, which was about a 1-4 hour drive depending on which beach we went to. So this is totally new for me.

We're going to go hiking through a bunch of the national and state parks there, so if I stop posting suddenly I probably got murdered by a bear. Please call for help.

I'm really excited about what this trip is going to do to my brain. New experiences always make my mind spark in new and amazing ways. It's one of the reasons why I try to take a walk on my lunch break every day and find a new route. I want to see what new things I can find or experience and how those things trigger a new idea or a new way of thinking for me.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon to the outer banks, she ended up getting into writing and I started doing animation... on our honeymoon lmao. We took walks on the beach and then came back to the condo, ordered pizza, and promptly got to work. Sure, we snuck little peeks at each other over our laptops, but damn, we were in the zone. It's super awesome to have a lovely gal who's just as creative as me. It keeps me honest and helps me stay motivated.

On TV most peoples' wives nag at them for staying out too late or not taking out the garbage. Mine just asks if I made any progress on my newest "thing" today and then nods silently when I say no... and then I haul my ass off the couch and go write a couple hundred words haha.

The same thing happened after we went to RTX last year. We met a bunch of Salt's friends and stayed in this big apartment with like 11 people. They were the most diverse and creative group of people I've ever met, and it totally opened my eyes.

When we came home from that trip, I wrote Crypt Shyfter: Vortex, which is currently the most popular adventure in the series by far.

So I'm SUPER excited to see what this trip does to my mind. I have a feeling it'll be like getting a shot of creative steroids pumped right into the old noggin.

Exciting stuff. Follow me on Instagram if you give a crap about pretty nature pictures for the next two weeks, otherwise just keep being your badass self and doing yo' thang. I expect to see some progress on your newest masterpiece when I get back, otherwise I'll just silently nod my head at you.

-evermead


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Posted by evermead - 3 days ago


i wrote about changes a few days ago, and how we grow as people and creators. i suppose if life was a book that could have been a bit of foreshadowing.

here's a big change: my username isn't kungfuspacebarbarian anymore

i changed classes.

playing the goofy barbarian was fun for a while, and i'll always love that dude, but a barbarian doesn't quite fit anymore.

i like writing. i like creating. i like telling stories. and more than anything else, i like inspiring the shit out of people.

therefore, i've changed classes from human barbarian to something that suits me a little better: a halfling bard.

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bye bye kfsb!

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hello evermead the bard!

sticking with the RPG theme i love so much, it feels like a perfect fit. now i can play the support character who sings the tales of heroes. as a storyteller, i don't belong in the adventures- i want to tell YOUR stories. raise up the heroes, turn them into legends, and then slip into the crowd to grab a beer while the throngs of adoring fans cheer on the real badasses.

more big changes are coming to the Crypt Shyfter series, and i can't wait to share them with everyone. grab yourself an extra d6 for inspiration- it's on me ;)


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Posted by evermead - 3 days ago


I’m gonna get a little cheesy and sappy for a bit, but I wanna be real. Newgrounds is such an incredible space for creators.

No, seriously. Follow these steps and you’ll see how fucking mind-bogglingly incredible this place is.

  1. Create a brand new Youtube account and post your newest animated video
  2. Create a brand new Newgrounds account and post that same animated video
  3. Without doing jack fucking dick marketing, wait one week and check your views and comments on both sites

Here’s what’s gonna happen. Your video on YouTube will get maybe 10 views. Definitely no comments. The only thumbs up it’ll get is the one you give it yourself.

Now check the video on Newgrounds - the EXACT SAME VIDEO, with all the same words in the description and the same title that you posted on YouTube - and you’re going to see that video sitting around 300-500 views with at least one or two comments and (if you really crushed it) maybe even a nice shiny trophy and a spot on the front page. Hell, maybe you'll even get a few followers.

That’s fucking incredible.

What other site can give you that kind of an audience? And we’re not just talking about a passive audience here- Newgrounds has a HUNGRY audience. These folks are here to consume content and talk about it. They want to review and critique, they want to help you improve so when you come back and post your next video, you can really knock their fucking socks off.

If you are a creator, someone who makes games, animations, music, comics, whatever, you need to understand this: you are sitting on a fucking goldmine here.

This place is your proving ground. You have the opportunity to share your work, get feedback, fuck up, fail, try again, get more feedback, and sharpen your creative skills to a fine edge.

This site offers a totally level playing field, and there’s a front page just waiting to be filled up with your next badass project.

Don’t believe me? I’ll give you a little kick in the ass here using myself as an example.

I write text adventure games. That’s it.

That’s my shtick.

No pictures. No controller input. No sound effects. No medals. Most of the time not even fucking music. Nothing but words and links to click on. That's boring as fuck.

On top of all that lameness, there’s probably about a thousand writers on this site who are a million times more talented than me, who can tell better stories than me, and who can captivate an audience with their words in ways that would put all my silly ramblings to shame.

BUT!

Somehow my games are able to compete with the big boys. Limerick was the #3 game for July even though it was competing with some fantastic creations full of carefully drawn sprites and music and sound effects. REAL video games, not virtual books.

Go check the Newgrounds mobile site and click that "best games of the year" tab. 4 out of the top 6 mobile games for this year (as of right now) are Crypt Shyfter. What the fuck?

That shouldn’t be possible. I am telling you right now, it’s a fluke. It’s gotta be. Right?

Text adventures were popular two decades before I was even born. They were a thing in the 70s and 80s. It’s 2018 for fucks sake! What the hell is going on here?

I’ll tell you what’s going on, and how you can kick more ass than I ever could because you’ve definitely got more talent than I do: it’s called patience. Being persistent.

You can't win this game with a one-off viral video. That's not how it works anymore. You're not going to be plucked from obscurity by Steven Spielberg because you made one really neat 3 minute cartoon. You need to be in it for the long haul.

But before you can jump in for the long haul, you need to get in the fucking game in the first place.

You can’t have a movie in the top 5 if you don’t make a movie. You can't get your art front paged if you never post any art. You can’t have 3 games in the top 10 if you don’t make like 8 fucking games- 2 that suck, 1 that's okay, 2 that are pretty good, and 3 that kick ass. You need to make shit, and KEEP making shit.

Newgrounds offers an amazing opportunity for creators, but you need to create. And not just one thing- you need to come back again and again. First movie got blammed? Fuck ‘em. Make another one. Second movie got 2 and a half stars and a really nasty comment?

FUCK 'EM.

Make another one.

You need to fall in love with the process of creating. If you’re reading this, chances are good you’re a creator here on Newgrounds. If you’re not at the level you want to be at yet, you need to keep creating more content. Keep taking risks. Don't be afraid to keep fucking up over and over again.

Give yourself some perspective if you have to: somebody left you a mean comment. Okay, great. Now what?

Do you stop creating forever? You found this incredible thing that you're so passionate about that you want to spend the rest of your life doing it and what? You're just going to quit after 2 months because someone said they didn't like it? Get the fuck out of here with that shit.

Are you still alive? Did they kill anyone in your family? Did they kick your dog and shit on your front porch?

No. Some 13 year old dick said a thing. Who gives a fuck?

Maybe he was right, and you're pissed because you know it. Do better next time. And block that little fucker while you're at it. Life's too short to put up with bullshit. Let someone else tell you your work sucks in a more tactful way if you still need to hear it.

Despite the high rankings of some of the Crypt Shyfter games, they haven’t all been met with hugs and rainbows, and I don’t expect them to be.

Limerick has been getting bashed left and right for the ending- and for good reason! I took a chance and did something goofy that felt right at the time, but I didn’t stick the landing. Whoopsie, oh well, time to move on. I won’t make that same mistake again.

But that's the thing: There will be an again.

As a fucking badass creator, you’re going to have a shitload of “agains.” You’ll have plenty of at-bats, but you have to want this. You have to love the process. You have to be okay with eating shit, having random people on the internet take a dump on something you poured your soul into, and then have the guts to stand up, brush off the dirt, and try again.

In order to master any new skill, one must risk looking foolish.

I promise you this: if you keep coming back, you will find the success you're striving for. Nobody expects you to be perfect. Nobody expects you to hit a homerun every time you step up to the plate. Sometimes you’ll hit singles. Sometimes you’ll strike out. Fuck, sometimes you’ll even get hit by a pitch.

But if you're still in the game, YOU HAVE NOT FAILED. The path to success is not a straight line up. It's a zig-zagging squiggly line filled with plateaus and regressions. A few steps forward, a few steps back. Maybe even a couple months of no noticable progress at all.

It doesn't matter.

Make something.

Then make another thing.

And then make something else.

I know you can make something better than a simple text game, right? Get off your ass and get to work.

And if you're not a Newgrounds supporter, please consider signing up for a month or two. @tomfulp will love you forever if you do:

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Need some more inspiration? Check out these guys- I’ve only posted 10 games, but these lovely folks put me to absolute shame with their incredible output. If you’re not putting out as much content as them, you’re not working hard enough. I am completely humbled and forever in awe of their incredible persistence and dedication to their craft: @chazdude @smoker9 @waterflame


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Posted by evermead - 3 days ago


Atomic Angel is at 3,000 words now. Here’s my little progress-marker post.

Just writing a little bit every day adds up fast!

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This adventure will wrap up the KFSB saga I started in Exile and then I’ll be done with “serial” stories. It’s super hard to keep a storyline going when players will have random outcomes in all of the last 3 games, plus it boxes me in as far as what I can actually write goes.

I need to hit certain story beats that have been established in past games, I can’t just go off the wall like I did with Limerick. I can’t wait to finish this episode so I can go back to writing one-shots. They’re more fun to write because they’re spontaneous.

I wrote Limerick because I wanted to write a western adventure. I wrote Exile because I wanted to do sci-fi. I wrote Dreadnaughts because I wanted to do a Jade Empire style kung fu game. But I’m writing Atomic Angel because I need to finish this series.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still excited to write it and I’m putting my all into finishing this saga up strong, but it’s less fun to feel like you’re forced to write something as opposed to being struck by inspiration and just letting it lead you along.

Only one-shots from now on!!!


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Posted by evermead - 4 days ago


just a quote for all my creative friends today:

“Work hard in silence, let your success be your noise.”
-Frank Ocean


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Posted by evermead - 4 days ago


My dog is sitting at the door ready to bark at the pizza man. Follow me on instagram for random pictures and shit https://www.instagram.com/kungfuspacebarbarian/


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Posted by evermead - 5 days ago


hi there! I'm Joey but you probably know me better as kung fu space barbarian. this is me:

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KFSB was a character i created in 2014 while i was writing short stories and working at comcast as a "forever temp." i started a blog on filmmaking and webcomics, and when you start a blog you need a screenname. so i picked "kungfuspacebarbarian" because it was silly to say and it contained all my favorite things: kung fu movies, outer space/aliens/sci-fi, and barbarians (or fantasy/D&D).

i drew a derpy barbarian face and set that as my profile and BOOM. kfsb was born.

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old image (remember that one?)

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current image

but then a funny thing happened. people started talking to me as if i was actually a kung fu space barbarian. and so i responded like i was, and then suddenly i was playing a character online: a completely exaggerated, swaggering, boistrous, over the top charismatic cartoon barbarian.

and people bought it. and more people started following along.

and then shit got really weird, because i started putting kfsb into games and people though it was actually ME. kfsb is NOT me! he's a character i write about. i don't insert myself into "cameos" in games, i write about this character called kfsb who pops up in games and says he writes all this stuff. he doesnt really. i do ;)

super meta, right?

there's a funny thing about artists, and people in general: as we grow older, we change.

and that's been true for me my entire life. when i was a little 5th grader i was 100% convinced that my destiny was to make dinosaur movies like steven spielberg. i followed that path of destiny all the way up through college, graduating from temple university with a degree in film.

and i had A LOT of fucking fun along the way. my best friends and i made at least 100 short films and videos and spent tons of time dicking around and writing funny scripts to make each other laugh.

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two of our films made it into film festivals, and we spent one summer travelling from new jersey to kentucky to california with our movie "Sins of the Dragon" which *almost* won an award for "best fight choreography."

those were awesome times, but things always change. it wasn't long after college that i lost most of my interest in filmmaking. that was a hard time for me. i'd built my identity around being a filmmaker- i'd basically married my entire life to this one "art style" for no real reason other than i though it defined me as a person.

it didnt.

once i got over the culture shock of not having anything to strive for, i started wandering aimlessly. i took temp jobs at big corporations. i quit the temp jobs and spent weeks riding my bike as far as i could. i spent hours and hours in the library, reading books on everything from small business ownership to investing in the stock market to astronomy to writing fiction to computer programming.

and then on the side i started blogging. i started drawing webcomics. i started animating, and i opened a newgrounds account. and then last year, in june 2017, for no reason at all, i started writing interactive fiction games.

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Limerick cover by omenakettu

i've had the time of my life writing these games and i intend to keep the series going well into the future. writing crypt shyfter has become as much a part of my daily life as brushing my teeth or going to work. posting the finished games and getting feedback is great, but i am in love with the process. and as i've gotten older, i've started to learn that THAT is who i am.

the process. i'm the guy who jumps onto a path and sticks it out for the long haul. filmmaking was a 12 year journey for me, culminating in the red carpet premiere of Sins of the Dragon and our film festival tour. and who knows, i may get back into that again someday! never say never.

writing webcomics was only a year or two, but it was DAILY, dedicated practice. animation was another two years, and now writing text adventures is just past a year (and i hope there will be many more years to come!)

but i know that at some point, things will change. i don't want to lock myself into anything, because to do that would stunt my growth as an artist and as a person.

i don't think anyone needs to be "defined" by any one thing in life, though we all try to categorize people. the film guy, the art chick, the jock, the radio announcer, etc.

instead of just posting my games, or my art, or whatever the hell strikes me at the moment, i want to start using this space to document that change. i don't want to give how-to's or advice or any of that shit- what the hell do i know anyway, i'm just some dumb millennial who works in a cubicle and writes archaic computer games on the weekends. you don't wanna learn from me, and i wouldn't either.

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Abandoned Universe cover by MisMash (coming soon)

what i do want to write about is the process. my daily "struggles" or lack thereof. my successes and failures, the high points and the low points along the path for a creative person.

share funny comments, report hilarious troll responses, talk about what goes through my head as different things come up and what i do (or dont do) about it.

maybe i'll burn some of you out with too much posting. that's okay. there's an "unfollow" button made specifically for that purpose.

maybe some of you will hate the direction i take a certain game and get overly dramatic and wail that i've ruined everything the series ever stood for, or bemoan the fact that i've single-handedly destroyed the video game industry. (if i had that much power, i'd be a fucking god). but if those are your thoughts, fuck you very much, please unsubscribe.

i'm not a short order chef. i dont write adventures to order, and i dont care to. i'm not going to please everyone, and i don't want to. never did want to, never will want to. my games themselves are the ultimate barrier to entry. if you hate reading, i DON'T want you playing my games. you aren't right for me. you're not the one i'm looking for.

i don't put pictures in my games. 99.9999% of the games on newgrounds have pictures in them. if you like pictures, play those games instead. my games aren't for you.

i swear and write about sex and sometimes social issues. if you hate that shit, stop reading. i didn't write this for you. and that's okay. really, it is. just slap that "Blam" button and tell me to fuck off. that's what it's there for.

People say shit like “you really shouldn’t swear” or “you should write your games like this” or “do this” “do that” “if you do it my way you’ll get more readers/likes/followers.”

Fuck your way. Fuck readers. Fuck likes. Fuck followers. I’m sure more people would read and play if i conformed to your brilliant view of how things should be done, but guess what? I don’t want MORE followers. I want the RIGHT followers. And somehow i found a whole goddamn army of you crazy ass motherfuckers.

for those of you who are diggin' the series, thanks for sticking around. i love you all, and i know we're on the same wavelength. out of all the billions of fucking people on this planet and all the websites you could be on and all the games you could be playing, or all the netflix shows you could be watching, somehow you and me connected.

we're on the same page. do you know how incredibly unique that is? how fucking awesome it is that we've never met before, but now we're getting to know each other even though we might be living in a different country or even on opposite sides of the world?

that's damn awesome.

and so... i'm going to keep creating, and while i do that, i'm going to document my process along the way. i hope you'll stick around for a while ;)

-joey

ps. go buy the games, you freeloading fuck faces

 


6

Posted by evermead - 5 days ago


look at this shit. look how fucking thick this stack of papers is. that's a fraction of the amount of shit i wrote for Limerick.

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i hand-wrote the fuck out of that game and then translated it all to the computer. i gotta stop doing that crap. reading my handwriting is like trying to decipher heiroglyphics in the goddamn necronomicon.

i'd save myself a lot of heart-ache if i just typed the damn games up right off the bat instead of scribbling chicken scratch all over scraps of notebook paper and random journals i find lying around.

but that's just the way i work. an idea smacks me in the face and i go scrambling for the closest pen and paper i can find and just start writing shit. it feels so much more raw to just write it out by hand as opposed to typing everything. maybe i'm just weird.

every time i sit down to write my next adventure i realize my desk is a complete fucking mess covered in these old papers from the last game, and i just clear em off and toss em in the trash or throw em in a box on the floor.

but i love it. you know i fucking love it. i love every goddamn second of it, coming up with wacky ideas and writing RPGs without having my goof-off players around to ruin my finely crafted adventures by drinking all the beer and fucking all the bar patrons and killing all the peasants... (kidding, my players are the best)

5 pages a day, or 500 words if i'm typing. the pages are small, and 500 words is pretty easy to reach. essays for school were like 10x that amount. little steps every day, and then eventually there's a finished game.

time to translate some more chicken scratch ;)


Posted by evermead - 6 days ago


I'm stepping out of my comfort zone a bit and changing the format of the next Crypt Shyfter by designing it specifically for mobile devices. It can still be played on a desktop, but you'll have a much better experience playing on your phone or tablet.

I spent the last week learning more about coding and researching things like font, screen readability, optimal color schemes, etc. I'm pretty happy with what I learned and I think this new format should be pretty slick on mobile devices.

I also created virtual dice that you can roll :D Wanted to share my progress so far:

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